August 23rd, 2021
Not sure if any of this is going to make sense… but I guess that’s why I started this section. This whole year… no, these past two years have been just awful. I try to stay positive and focuse on the good that happened, but between all of the doctors appointments, financial issues, and COVID I feel like I’ve lost sight of anything positive.
I feel so alone. I know I’m not, but it still feels so lonely. I know that I have differing views than most Christian mothers… but why does it have to be so lonely? I believe in bodily autonomy, that you can’t tell me what I can or cannot do with my body. I am Pro-Choice, I believe that Black Lives Matter, and I think Trump was the worst thing that could ever have happened to our country. I believe that God is sovereign and His plan is perfect. But I’m at a loss as to understand why things happen the way they do. I am Pro-Vaccine and Pro-Mask (even though I hate them). I believe that the vaccine is the way to stop the deaths of COVID, not necessarily stopping COVID… but no one seems to care about anyone else.
I hate this constant barrage of negativity that streams out of my Facebook feed. The constant need to be right and hating anyone that is pro-vaccine. I feel so alone… it feels like everyone around me is against the things I stand for. I’m not sure if anyone else has ever felt that way. But it’s hard. Why can’t we just stop. Your “truth” isn’t my truth and just because you believe it is doesn’t give you the right to tear apart the people next to you.
I am fully vaccinated and will get whatever boosters is necessary. I believe that that was the right thing to do. My husband and I decided to get vaccinated because our daughter has a heart condition and I feel that if she were to get COVID (and more and more children are getting this virus) she wouldn’t survive… and if she were to die, I’m not sure I’d survive. I couldn’t live with this thought that I could have done something to save her life and didn’t. Now, is she going to get vaccinated? I’m not sure yet. I also feel rushing a vaccine to her tiny body could hurt her heart too. I have to protect her with every piece of my being. We’re going to start masking again, and Georgia will wear a mask. She wears one when she goes to school, she can wear one when we go grocery shopping. We’re also going to limit our time out and about with Georgia. Once the weather cools down, that will be easier because we love to be outside.
And selfishly, I’m at high risk of dying from COVID too. I’m diabetic and overweight… I have to do whatever I can to make sure I’m still around for my daughter.
I don’t know why this has to be such a dividing idea in our country. I get it, you don’t want to be forced to do something (see Pro-Lifers?? It’s not that hard.) but you shouldn’t have had to be forced. Pfizers vaccine is in the process of being FDA approved… is that going to change peoples minds? It needs to… but I know these people and I guarantee it won’t. Why is loving people so hard to do?
I don’t know. These are my musings… deal with it.
With Light and Love,